It was in the late 1990s when personal computers were still considered a luxury item. He was 16. He said, “Push that button Mom.” Melody Worsham (57) still feels emotional when she recalls that moment with Gabriel. Worsham says, “I pushed the button and the computer screen changed from blank to a beautiful picture of snow-capped mountainous mountains.” He didn’t draw it. He created a code to do it. “He had never had a computer lesson. He was an expert at numbers and figuring things out. He felt good about himself because of it. Gabriel had always struggled to fit in and was considered an outsider. Gabriel suffered from severe depression. Gabriel committed suicide at the age of 34 due to his mental disorder. In 2017, Mississippi had a suicide rate of 15.01 per 100,000 people, which was more than the national average (14.000). Three times more people died in Mississippi from suicide in 2017 than in car accidents. It was the 10th leading cause of death in America and the 2nd-leading cause among men between 10 and 34 years old. Just like Gabriel, 90% of suicide victims in 2016 were suffering from a diagnosable mental disorder. Worsham: “I know how people with mental illness feel” Worsham said that they knew from childhood that the man had suffered from depression. We tried to give him medication for Attention Deficit Disorder, but that only made his depression worse. He became bitter and depressed. He refused to seek counseling. “When you feel depressed like this, it is easy to become overwhelmed by all the beauty in the world. Everything seems magnified. He also lived with a mother with mental illness. “I was in and out (mental) hospitals, so I know that it had an impact on him.” Worsham has suffered from schizophrenia and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since her teens. Her emotions were helped by medication and counseling. For the past three years, she has not taken medication. Worsham joined Gulfport’s Mental Health Association of South Mississippi staff in 2012. As part of the WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Planning) program, Worsham is a certified peer support specialist. Worsham states, “I knew that helping people with mental illness was my calling before Gabriel died.” “Now, I feel even more certain that I am doing what I was meant. I understand what people suffering from mental illness feel. “I know their pain.” WRAP is a program which teaches stress management and wellness tools. According to Mental Health America, “Treatment triggers can be prevented from becoming worse by learning easy, safe, and free methods to stay healthy.” Action plans are designed to help you deal with triggers when they occur. Anyone who deals with anxiety, stress, anger, or any other difficult feelings can benefit from this. The Mental Health Association of South Mississippi offers free WRAP sessions. Five of the seven full-time staff members and five part-time employees have experienced and recovered from mental illness. Its mission statement is “To champion positive mental health and wellbeing.” The center offers peer support, mental health screenings and the Opal Smith Drop-In Center, which provides day programs for adults with mental illnesses that encourage social, educational, and work skills. Worsham is an integral component of the program. Joy Hogge, the executive director of Families as Allies which supports the care of children with mental illness, stated, “I would love people to know the Melody that I know.” She is insightful and perceptive about life and relationships. Melody is a very intelligent and perceptive person. She can talk about many situations and help us decide what to do. Her experience with mental illness gives her an entire area of expertise. “There is nothing like someone who has walked on those feet.” Worsham had a turbulent childhood. Although her father was able to survive two tours in Vietnam, he wasn’t there when she returned. He tried to kill his mother in a busy restaurant while stationed at Keesler Air Force Base, Biloxi. Worsham claims that “She escaped from the back.” He was taken to base after the base learned about the incident. My brothers fled to find my mom, and I was left alone in the family home.” They never returned. She said that she was eighteen or nine years old and had lived on her own. “(My father) would give me enough money for groceries and school clothes. I bought them all myself and registered for school. “I spent 18 months doing things that my parents should’ve been doing for me,” she said. Her father showed up one day with a plane ticket to Worsham. His sister and her family from overseas were willing to take her in. She says, “We lived in Holland and Germany” “They were kind to me, and they gave me a great education.” However, her behavior began to change around age 13. She says, “I would miss days… I don’t even remember them.” “Two to three days would pass and I would believe it was Tuesday when it was Friday. It felt like long blackouts. “I would have conversations with people and tell them these strange stories.” As a young adult, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and PTSD. She says, “It was good to have a name to it, to understand what was happening.” “It was fortunate that I was capable of getting help, and that I was willing to receive it. The medication made such a difference in my behavior that it was hard to believe that Gabriel wouldn’t have accepted the help. “Mom, this is how I want to die.” Worsham divorced Gabriel’s father in 1989. Gabriel was 7. She said that Gabriel was 7. “But me, his father were able maintain an amicable relation.” Gabriel was 16 years old when he informed his parents that he wouldn’t be returning to school. She says that he was failing the majority of his classes mainly due to boredom. He knew that he wanted to work in computers for a living. He was old school. His father and I told him that if Gabriel didn’t go back to school, he would have to find a job. Gabriel began to hang out with his older friends who were also interested in computers. As a hobby, he started building websites for people.” He moved to New Orleans at the age of 18. Worsham said that Worsham was drawn to the wrong crowd and began using heroin or other drugs. Gabriel was 22 when Gabriel returned home. She says that Gabriel told her he didn’t want to live this way. I told him that I could live with him. I will charge rent. It’s possible to get a job. “He received his GED and got a job at a company that programs computers. He had been drinking and it was affecting his work. He was eventually released. He had many things on his mind. Gabriel had always dreamed of having a family. Gabriel said that he was 22 years old and had never married nor had any children. I replied, “Son, you are still young.” But you must be able to provide for the woman you desire. He returned to Louisiana and started drinking again. Worsham recalls that he would call him up and tell me the most disgusting things. He would do this when he was feeling down. He said that he didn’t want to die this way at the end of one of his conversations. If I continue to drink, I know it will kill me. If I stop drinking, the shakes are so strong that I can’t bare it. Perhaps I’ll just take the roach pills I bought from the feed store.” Worsham convinced Gabriel to return to the Gulf Coast to enter a drug- and alcohol rehabilitation center. Gabriel spent the required 28 days there. Worsham states, “He promised me that he would attend intensive outpatient sessions three times per week in Baton Rouge.” “But then the depression came back. He didn’t follow up. “He sent me a link that he had created. It was quite shocking to see. It contained things such as ‘I hate’, ‘you’re stupid and ‘kill yourself’. Another piece of art depicted a man holding a gun to the head. Worsham said, “I know that it’s the one I really wanted to see.” So I called him. “You don’t need to feel this pain. Let me help you.” He declined. He did seem to get a few breaks in 2014. He met the woman who would be his fiancee. He was then offered the job he described as his “dream job”, which was to provide IT support remotely from Augusta, Georgia. Worsham said that he was able to live with me for one week before moving to Augusta. He was happy. He didn’t drink. He was positive.” Worsham later told Worsham that he had been speaking positively about his fiance. Worsham said, “For the first, his life seemed completely on track.” Gabriel was shocked when he learned of a terrible incident. Gabriel learned from a Louisiana young man that his grandfather had been beaten to death by a Louisiana friend. Worsham says that Gabriel blamed himself for the death of his grandfather. “The depression got worse,” he said. He also lost his dream job. He called Worsham shortly after and was once again positive. Worsham said, “He stated that recruiters were calling his left and right and that they were going to take a short vacation before he began doing interviews for jobs.” It was the most enjoyable talk we had in many years. “We started to do dialogue from two of the movies we love — “Cable Guy”, and “Ace Ventura.” “That’s what a lot people do when they decide to end their lives.” They’re happy because they know the pain will end. He didn’t notice it and I should have.” During a fight with his fiance, Gabriel entered a closet and pulled out the.32 caliber pistol. Gabriel pulled the trigger and turned to face the wall as his fiance called 911. Nearly three decades later, Worsham still can’t say his name. She says, “It feels as if the devil took out my heart and stomped all over it while he laughed at us.” Gabriel took a piece of me with him. I don’t want anyone to go through what he went through or what I have. My work is my passion. It’s a blessing. “I know that I can make an impact.”